imaginarynihility | (no subject)

Welt had firmly intended to apologize for crossing the line of what's appropriate and what's not with Dan Heng when he had entrusted him in such a vulnerable way, and yet, the regret dwindles each time he meets his gaze once more. Perhaps Welt's projecting his own feelings onto the other man, but Dan Heng almost always seems happier in their interactions.

Even if it's all in his head, Welt finds it impossible to regret their moment of intimacy together.

He's well aware that likely makes him a horrendous person, and he genuinely wishes he could bring himself to care, but alas, the only thoughts that matter when he's with the younger traveler is how stretched open and full he was when he impaled him on his cocks repeatedly.

Normally, he's at least able to table the thoughts of their shared time together for when he's in his chambers in solitude or somewhere private with Dan Heng. Today, though, for some unknown reason while he's sitting alone in the hub of the Astral Express, his mind wanders to those moments and the hand not curled around the handle of his cane rests almost protectively against his lower belly.

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A short, breathy, slightly awkward laugh puffs past his lips as he looks back up at Dan Heng, slightly surprised that he himself wasn't the one to bring up the elephant in the room himself. Though, perhaps it's better that Dan Heng initiated such a topic.

After all, he hadn't managed to get himself to bring it up yet. What if he never did?

"Physically, I've been... well, I've been wonderful, outside a bit of soreness. Mentally, though, I... I overstepped, Dan Heng, and for that I'm incredibly sorry. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have betrayed your trust the way I did."

He also knows he should move his hand away from the tender touch Dan Heng offers him, but he can't bring himself to.

The mention of "betrayal" surprises him... and also makes him wonder if he should have viewed their tryst in such a way. He doesn't feel betrayed, though-- in fact, Dan Heng can't say anything negative's arisen from the time they spent together.

"Hm..."

He slides a bit closer on the sofa, watching Welt's expression curiously.

"I wanted you, though." The admission comes out fairly easily for what it is. If it were anyone else, Dan Heng's not sure he would've been able to say it so casually, but Welt has always been comfortable, honest. "Wouldn't I be at fault, then, for deceiving you?"

Welt opens his mouth to respond as if Dan Heng might be too young to understand where Welt overstepped, but then he remembers the face in front of his own is deceptively youthful and a soft, sheepish chuckle puffs past his lips.

"While it's admittedly wonderful to hear that, I still crossed a line. I'm supposed to be remain rational and removed throughout the process." The ghost of a smile fades from his lips as eyes move downcast. "I almost immediately allowed my feelings towards you to interfere.

"That's not fair to you, Dan Heng, and for that, I'm sorry."

"I..." Dan Heng sighs. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, Welt, but...

"I don't care."

It's an inherently human thing, this guilt. Dan Heng can't say that he's ever really felt it, and even the sins of the life that came before him are less a point of distress on his end and more a burden inherited from the man that he was.

"It was good, for me. I don't need you to think the same way" -- his hand pulls away, resting politely on his lap once more -- "but to me, there's nothing for you to apologise for.

"So don't burden yourself with this. All right?"

Welt's hand twitches towards Dan Heng as he withdraws the touch, but he's quick to return it to his own lap. It's almost humiliating how much he misses it already, despite how minuscule it was. Though, as Dan Heng tells him not to burden himself, the guilt seems to dwindle far more than he feels it should.

Still, he looks up at the other man almost sheepishly.

"It was good for me, too, Dan Heng. I... I've always known there was an affection towards you, I just hadn't realized how vast it was. I suppose that's why it was so easy for me to blur the line of objectivity and selfish desire."

After a moment's hesitation, he extends his hand out towards Dan Heng's, properly setting it over the one nearest him.

"While I'm sorry for being unprofessional, I'm... grateful it had happened."

Edited 2023-11-23 05:42 (UTC)