imaginarynihility | (no subject)

Welt had firmly intended to apologize for crossing the line of what's appropriate and what's not with Dan Heng when he had entrusted him in such a vulnerable way, and yet, the regret dwindles each time he meets his gaze once more. Perhaps Welt's projecting his own feelings onto the other man, but Dan Heng almost always seems happier in their interactions.

Even if it's all in his head, Welt finds it impossible to regret their moment of intimacy together.

He's well aware that likely makes him a horrendous person, and he genuinely wishes he could bring himself to care, but alas, the only thoughts that matter when he's with the younger traveler is how stretched open and full he was when he impaled him on his cocks repeatedly.

Normally, he's at least able to table the thoughts of their shared time together for when he's in his chambers in solitude or somewhere private with Dan Heng. Today, though, for some unknown reason while he's sitting alone in the hub of the Astral Express, his mind wanders to those moments and the hand not curled around the handle of his cane rests almost protectively against his lower belly.

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"Hmm." Dan Heng's brows furrow. "If nothing else, your support will make it easier to explain my position to Pom-Pom, if they happen to have any reservations."

He hesitates for a moment, but in the end reaches out to place a hand atop Welt's in quiet gratitude.

"Thank you."

And if his touch lingers, well... Dan Heng just hopes that Welt doesn't notice. He pulls his hand back, clearing his throat.

"...when was the last time we had the parlour car to ourselves?"

Perhaps Dan Heng isn't treating him any differently than he has before, and yet, such a simple touch is enough to catapult Welt's mind to their moment of shared intimacy.

There's a pink tinge to his cheeks as his gaze returns to Dan Heng as he registers him speaking once more, and with a breathy, quick laugh, Welt shakes his head. "If I remember correctly, not too long after you first came aboard."

There's a soft smile as he looks down for a moment as he remembers those days.

"Strange how much time has passed since."

"Does it feel like a lot of time to you?"

Dan Heng wonders if it's a short-lived species thing. To him, the time he's spent with the Express feels more like a blip compared to the decades he'd spent in the Shackling Prison. Even this, with Welt, feels like it'll be fleeting, from the way they sit together to the way Dan Heng's hand remains on the cushion between them, resting as innocently as it possibly can.

The tip of his pinky brushes the side of Welt's hand, tentative.

"I suppose you and Himeko have picked up a lot of strays since me, though."

Welt opens his mouth to respond, but as he feels the subtle caress from the other, all thought ceases for a moment. It's strange how such an innocent touch can feel just as intimate as Dan Heng being inside of him.

The phenomenon leaves him speechless as his gaze shifts to the finger that brushes against his own hand, and, with a second of hesitation, he moves his own finger to settle on top of Dan Heng's.

"We certainly have," he finally agrees, ducking his head bashfully as his finger remains.

The returned contact is almost ridiculous in how tiny it is, but Dan Heng doesn't complain. Instead, his lips curving some, he links their pinkies together.

They hadn't talked about a few nights ago. Dan Heng hadn't questioned it, supposing that experiments were meant to be just that, but waking up next to Welt had been comfortable just as sitting by him now is. With no-one else around, and Pom-Pom most certainly busy at the head of the train, maybe it would be safe to say...

"You've... been okay, haven't you? After all that we did?"

And, yes, it's a bit vague, but Dan Heng's not sure how far he can go with this, either.

A short, breathy, slightly awkward laugh puffs past his lips as he looks back up at Dan Heng, slightly surprised that he himself wasn't the one to bring up the elephant in the room himself. Though, perhaps it's better that Dan Heng initiated such a topic.

After all, he hadn't managed to get himself to bring it up yet. What if he never did?

"Physically, I've been... well, I've been wonderful, outside a bit of soreness. Mentally, though, I... I overstepped, Dan Heng, and for that I'm incredibly sorry. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have betrayed your trust the way I did."

He also knows he should move his hand away from the tender touch Dan Heng offers him, but he can't bring himself to.

The mention of "betrayal" surprises him... and also makes him wonder if he should have viewed their tryst in such a way. He doesn't feel betrayed, though-- in fact, Dan Heng can't say anything negative's arisen from the time they spent together.

"Hm..."

He slides a bit closer on the sofa, watching Welt's expression curiously.

"I wanted you, though." The admission comes out fairly easily for what it is. If it were anyone else, Dan Heng's not sure he would've been able to say it so casually, but Welt has always been comfortable, honest. "Wouldn't I be at fault, then, for deceiving you?"

Welt opens his mouth to respond as if Dan Heng might be too young to understand where Welt overstepped, but then he remembers the face in front of his own is deceptively youthful and a soft, sheepish chuckle puffs past his lips.

"While it's admittedly wonderful to hear that, I still crossed a line. I'm supposed to be remain rational and removed throughout the process." The ghost of a smile fades from his lips as eyes move downcast. "I almost immediately allowed my feelings towards you to interfere.

"That's not fair to you, Dan Heng, and for that, I'm sorry."

"I..." Dan Heng sighs. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, Welt, but...

"I don't care."

It's an inherently human thing, this guilt. Dan Heng can't say that he's ever really felt it, and even the sins of the life that came before him are less a point of distress on his end and more a burden inherited from the man that he was.

"It was good, for me. I don't need you to think the same way" -- his hand pulls away, resting politely on his lap once more -- "but to me, there's nothing for you to apologise for.

"So don't burden yourself with this. All right?"

Welt's hand twitches towards Dan Heng as he withdraws the touch, but he's quick to return it to his own lap. It's almost humiliating how much he misses it already, despite how minuscule it was. Though, as Dan Heng tells him not to burden himself, the guilt seems to dwindle far more than he feels it should.

Still, he looks up at the other man almost sheepishly.

"It was good for me, too, Dan Heng. I... I've always known there was an affection towards you, I just hadn't realized how vast it was. I suppose that's why it was so easy for me to blur the line of objectivity and selfish desire."

After a moment's hesitation, he extends his hand out towards Dan Heng's, properly setting it over the one nearest him.

"While I'm sorry for being unprofessional, I'm... grateful it had happened."

Edited 2023-11-23 05:42 (UTC)